Twenty-Five Years

On October 28th, my husband and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage. That. Is. A. Long. Time. 
There is a lot to celebrate, our two sons are our greatest reason to celebrate. We will also  celebrate having come this far, this long, and still sleep in the same bed. I’m not sure if anyone knows, but marriage is not an easy thing to do.

I can easily share the many challenges, even tragedies, that have found their way into our path, but I won’t. I don’t. Life is much, much too short for wasting energy on things we cannot change. I work to notice the good. It is there, even on the days it seems to have packed up and moved out. I guess it depends on where you stand. So, if you are standing from a point of view where all you see is the negative, move. Move until you find the good.

In the beginning, twenty-five years ago, I had no idea. That’s about as simple as I can describe my marital toolbox. But life has a way of teaching you. The gifts of trial and error are never too far behind, and I learned a few things along the way. Some small pieces of advice that I learned to lean on as we journey through into wherever life continues to lead us.

Here are my little pieces of advice...   

1. Hold hands. Love can be felt, even in the palm of your hand.
2. Be quiet, together. You don’t need to talk through every moment to have a moment.
3. Laugh out loud together, as often as possible. Life is better that way.
4. Cry together, apart, or one at a time. Sometimes your soul needs to shed some tears to feel better.
5. Go out on dates and pretend it’s your first every time.
6. Talk. And if that doesn’t work, write letters to each other. There’s no room for mind reading in a marriage. Communication is key.
7. Keep moving forward. If something is hurtful, take it on face to face and then move on.
8. Never call each other names. Never. Words leave scars that apologies do not heal.
9. Stop to notice the good, often. Remember that it’s easier to find the good when you make time to look for it.
10. Stand firm and hold on to who you are, because you must love yourself first. 

I've learned that anything lasting requires work, so if you are starting off your first years, or moving into your twenty-something year, remember that even love takes work.